When time doesn't stop On Hold
by CottoncandyGk
Summary: Still working on the title. AU. After ME2 going onto ME3. When love finds its way to your heart, will you accept everything that comes with it? Thane/Shepard/Feron triangle romance. Summary sucks, sorry.
1. Hello, beautiful stranger!

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Mass Effect, or any of its characters, though I wish I could. They belong to Bioware and EA. Any other characters are mine unless stated otherwise. All songs and quotes are credited to their respected owners. I make no money with this Fanfiction. It's just my imagination gone crazy.**

**Note/Warning: I decided that I wanted to do my Aleana Melody Shepard this time, altered to the way I would like guns, knives and biotics included and a hopeful Feron romance if I work this out well. Please bare with my grammatical errors. I will try and clean them up as best and as quickly as I find them, but if you see some I do not, please let me know? Thanks. This will be AU since I do not know anything about Feron. I didn't read the comic so yeah. Btw, this takes place after the collector base. And for those of you Thane lovers, no I am not killing him, but because of his illness I am letting him leave to spend time with his son, reluctantly. ;) I'll call him back later. He'll possibly be cured, and dumdumdum! Love triangle. Haha. All characters survived, all upgrades, Paragon, little Renegade, lots of money cause Cerberus sucks, plenty of resources, Alenko death, and Cerberus can kiss my ass. I blew the collector base to hell. WOOOH! **

**BTW, I couldn't have thought of this well without the help of voltagelisa**. **She is amazing and you should go read her fanfictions. Like, right now! :)**

**Word Count**: 1,444

* * *

**Shadow Broker Base**

Headaches. Always headaches. He had been having them for years, but for some reason they where more common now. Looking to his left arm, he didn't even have the strength to sigh. Two years and some odd months had passed since he was captured. He just hoped it was worth it. Feron had betrayed the Shadow Broker; the biggest scum of the universe, who would trade every human being in the galaxy as long as he, himself, survived. Every day he would be man-handled. Receive broken bones, or even had his previous ones re-broken once more. It hurt, but he was getting used to the pain. The shock therapies where the worst. They would strap him to that good awful chair, the restraints biting his wrist, leaving them raw and every word or protest would insure his pain. His nervous system was shot to hell. They poked and prodded him with needles and wires. Damn. He would be watched for entertainment, and to train the new recruits on what would happen if 'he' got double cross which only the stupidest would ever do. Ha! Hey, he was stupid. His eyes glazed, and mouth gaped a bit, his breath ragged, his hands forming fist so tight that his knuckles turned purple and soon, he came into deep memory.

_'Cold air fills my lungs, snow below my feet, and the freezing temperature traveling up my spine. It was hell. I hate the cold. I'm used to the sun, the warmth. What did I get myself into? I look to my right and see Liara, she is wearing a similar suit as mine, except her's is blue and mine is purple. I can not see her face, but I know she is reminiscing. Her breath is shallow and slightly hitched. Commander Shepard died here. She was her best friend. As we look around, we see the ship she once called 'home' in shambles, and dog tags adorned all around. I look to the far edge of what I can see. A body. It is frozen over and half of it is decomposed. Poor fool. I place my hand on her forearm and guide her away. She doesn't need to see that and I don't either. We look around, and we can not find her. Maybe she landed somewhere else. When something glimmers in the little sun that the clouds allow, I look as hard as I can and pat Liara's shoulder to get her attention. We travel through thick snow, our foots sink an inch or two each one step until we get our bearings. Soon we are upon it, and Liara sobs. There she is, in all her glory. Poor woman. From what I heard, her suit ruptured, and she died suffocating. Now her body is burned to a crisp, and I have no soothing words for comfort. Taking steps ahead, I know what must be done. I never condoned the action of the Shadow Broker. He's a monster and he deserves to die. I've made my choice. I would help Liara get Shepard to Cerberus, even if I died in the process. I have done many bad things in my life, and even though I do not believe much in the god of our home-world, I still know they watch over each one of us. So I will atone. Clasping my hands in-front of my face in prayer, I give one last selfish request to the gods. Please, save her. For she will save us all in return. Looking at Liara, I know she is beautiful, but I can not bring myself to care for her like she has me. Am I wrong for not choosing her? Either way, I grab her hand, as she continues to sob and offer her own prayer. She believes in her resurrection. I just hope that everyone else does too.'_

A sudden jolt of electricity brought him out of his memory. The pain filling every core of his nerves, to his very cells. He couldn't take it. He screamed bloody murder and he hated that he was so weak. After so much time, he was still an example. Why couldn't they just get it over with, and kill him? Soon the pain faded. The electricity stopped. His breath came in so hard he felt his lungs where going to explode. When he looked up and smugly smirked at the operator of that god awful machine, and when the stupid son of a bitch scrawled at him in disgust, he chuckled. He loved to piss him off. He hated the pain, but his pride wouldn't allow him to stop his playful antics. He knew it would come soon. Just another press of the button, and more searing pain. He closed his eyes, his mouth biting the inside of his lip, and tensed his muscles, but when nothing happened, he wondered if finally these fucks where getting soft.

Screams of pain, yells of commands through their coms. Something was happening. His heart raced. From what he could tell an intruder was on board. What the fuck? Looking back at the man who manned the machine, he saw an wicked grin, dark and filled with joy. His hand came to a certain button and flicked it on. It was not a button he liked, and soon, all he could see was black. All he heard was screams. Most likely his own. All he could do is wait for it to stop.

He didn't know how much time went by since he passed out. Maybe days, weeks, hours, minutes, seconds. He just didn't care. His vision was blurry, he was dehydrated, he needed sleep, or death. Whichever came first. Looking to his left, the most he could see was shadows, the most he could hear was yells of an asari commando, and then, pain from her mouth. Her blood splattered everywhere to the wall her shadow was just occupying. It was blue, hmm. His head felt like shit, but his vision returned, and his breath caught. He saw the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, her raven black hair coming up to the middle of her back, her purple oval shaped eyes glimmering with adrenaline. Her fair tan skin, light freckles on her cheeks. Her body was short, thin but curvy. Her armor was black and blue, the red strip coming down from the shoulder of her right arm all the way to her wrist. A beautiful sniper rifle, side by side an assault rifle, and two pistols on each side of her hips. She was amazing in his eyes. But the thing his eyes bulged to, was the N7 insignia that adorned her left chest plate. The small thing as imposing as could be. Commander Shepa-

"Feron, Feron! We'll get you out of there. Are you okay? Hold on."

Liara's voice brought him abruptly to a stop. LIARA! Shaking his head harshly, rattling his brain left and right. He wanted to tell her not to touch the buttons, but it was too late. As soon as she put a gloved hand on the screen, a huge shock entered his system. His inner mouth raw from every single bite he inflicted. It hurt, but he rather be shocked by someone he knew. It was refreshing.

"Don't, Liara. The chair and restraints are strapped to me and anyone that messes with it, I'll receive the blow. My nervous system is shot to hell, and the wires that pierced my skin make sure of that." His voice was soft, but loud enough to be heard. The graining, hard and deep voice assaulting his own senses. He didn't want to speak. Even that hurt like shit. Explaining to Liara about how to get him out wasn't hard, she promised to help him. As she went from his line of vision, Commander Shepard stepped in. Her eyes where beautiful. He didn't have a thing for humans, but hell, he was looking at one he had a thing for. So maybe he did. Her, what was it called, make-up? It looked like she was drell, herself. It was black, and all around her eyes. A sweet smile adorned her full lips, and she nodded once. She raised her hand, to wave once and then ran off to join Liara, her raven black hair swaying behind her like an angel. As she passed, he saw another drell, but he was irrelevant. He was ecstatic. He'd get out of there soon. And if he was lucky, he'd get to meet his new angel. She looked like a warrior angel. Maybe all this pain was worth it, for once.


	2. Jealousy

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Mass Effect, or any of its characters, though I wish I could. They belong to Bioware and EA. Any other characters are mine unless stated otherwise. All songs and quotes are credited to their respected owners. I make no money with this Fanfiction. It's just my imagination gone crazy.**

**Note: **This chapter was a bit hard to write, and I'm not completely happy about it and I might re-write it. Even still I wanted to get this out for Valentine's Day. Anyways, jealous drells are hot. :D Anyways, I know Thane is all composed and shit, but it's time to make him feel some. Ya' know?

**Word Count**: 1,680

* * *

**Shadow Broker Base**

He sat there heaving, his breath was labored. He couldn't believe it, he was finally free. Looking at his raw wrist, he cringed, the restraints almost took off all the skin when he peeled them off so quickly. He had to. He only had a second in the darkness. It was disgusting. The vibrant greens, reds, yellows, and blacks looking like tattered meat that some Varren chewed up in his spare time. Fighting the itch to grab and rub them, he sighed. He would need medical attention soon, but he didn't want it here. Especially when that stupid white bulb thing kept asking him and following him everywhere, every second. He even got called the Shadow Broker, that made him shiver. Either way, he'd experienced it here already and the memories of the salarian and batarian 'doctors' weren't pretty. They toyed with him, made him hurt even more. They only kept him partially alive and that was a nicer way to look at it. His eyes where downcast. After speaking with Liara and hearing the tale of their victor made him happy, but Commander Shepard was hurt. She received a dislocated arm, her hip bone had a hair line fracture and her face and body where bruised and cut. It was his fault. He felt it no matter how much Liara said it wasn't. She had stated to him that all this was to just defeat the Shadow Broker, but he knew different. They had come for him, and only him. His bearings took a while to gather, his eyes glossy as he slipped into memory once more, but when a soft touch assaulted the skin of his forearm, his mind snapped and he grabbed the offending wrist of that hand. A small hiss of dislike came from the back of his throat. His head snapping up and a mad scrowl made him imposing. At first, he didn't notice who it was, but when he did, he wanted to cry in pure bliss. But no, that would really hurt. Damn salt. Her soft tan skin gleaming from the light of the celling. Her eyes downcast to show submission, her mouth pouted slightly to show remorse.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

Her voice was soft before it stopped, velvet, feminine. Her nose was broken, slightly slanted to the side. She had a deep tissue scar on her lip, most likely permanent, and there was a very small scar coming down vertically through the very top of her eyebrow to stop before her eyelid. She was beautiful. Purring lightly from deep down in his abdomen, he nodded once, and smiled, the bruises on his face making him look like pounded hamburger meat. But he couldn't help it. His full lips just acted on their own.

"Please, don't apologize. It was my fault. I did not see who it was. I suppose spending too much time here makes you jumpy..." A small chuckle escaped him, and he was happy when one of her own reached his ear canals. Letting go of her hand reluctantly, he saw her small frame bend to his eye level. Her knees looking like they would buckle soon from all the pain and stress he was sure she suffered. "You need medical attention, Feron. You're in pain and I'm sure you have post traumatic syndrome. I know you don't want to be here, or you do, but are you willing to get checked out by my chief medical officer?"

Feron didn't want to go. He felt rooted to the ground. Her pleading was making him want to do things he just couldn't. His body shook slightly. She was right. Maybe he should step out of this place. At least he could breath something other than stale air. Sighing, he nodded once, his eyes half lidded in thought. It was for his health, that's what he had to keep telling himself. But all the time he'd spent here took it's tole, he was getting nervous. Standing, he felt his ribs give way a bit, his body hunched over in pain. Damn, that meant they broke his ribs again. When she grabbed his arm abruptly and put it around her shoulder to distribute weight, he felt a jolt go up and over his whole body. She was soft, and her body was hot. He felt like he was burning. Shivering, Aleana chuckled and put her hand on his opposite hip. She was dragging him even though all her injuries where still healing and might open the wounds once again. She was a powerful woman, no matter what she looked like. Looking off to the exit, he saw the other drell he noticed before when he was restrained to that god awful chair. His body was rigid, and his eyes where squinted in jealousy. His jaw was hard pressed, his fist where clenching, chest was puffed out and his neck ribbing was inflated. When Commander Shepard brought him closer to the other male, he heard a low growl, low enough so any other species but themselves couldn't hear. He was claiming her, and challenging him. Bringing his body to stand upright, he sized his competition. He was a full head and a half taller than Shepard, but just a bit over the other male. He wouldn't be beat. Though knowing he had no right to even assume she'd ever return his feeling and knowing that the other drell was more to her and himself, he wanted to know her. He just wanted to try, but drell where creatures of habit. They where territorial, and now that they no longer had their home-world of Rakhana, their numbers where low. So they had to fight for breeding rights. It was, indeed very messy but they never killed.

When Shepard saw both of the men, she tilted her head in wonder. She couldn't for the life of her figure out what the hell was happening but the weird part of it all was that she felt excited from the vibrations she felt. It was making her itchy, though. Thane was just staring at him, and Feron was staring back. Coughing into her hand, both men looked at her. Their eyes softening as they gave her their upmost attention. "Thane, please go inform Doctor Chakwas that she had a patient with the outmost urgency." She spoke, and Thane could feel her commanding voice seeping through. He didn't want to leave his Siha alone with this 'gentleman', especially now that he was going away soon. He had little time, and even though Mordin was working on a cure, he was skeptical. He had already given up life before when he was in his battle-sleep, but now, he wanted to be with her. She was everything to him. Bowing his broad frame to her, he conceded to her request, but before he left his eyes shot angrily at the other drell. He hoped he got his point across.

* * *

**SSV Normandy SR2**

**Med-Bay; Deck 3**

It took Feron a long time to get across the ship and onto the Normandy, he was mumbling angrily every step and tripping over every other. Thane had been the most confusing to her. He was always the most composed of them all, but suddenly when she arrived, he basically ripped Feron from her arms and threw him at the medical beds. His body hissed at the mistreatment, and he looked like they where having the stupid staring contents they have on the Broker ship. Dismissing Thane without giving him a chance to retaliate, she sighed. Perhaps he was still mad about being knocked out and getting his son threatened. Shit, she knew she would be furious, too. Looking now at Feron as the great Doctor and Mordin ran scanners up and down his body, applying medi-gel every-which way, being poked and prodded, the antiseptic and sterile air making her a bit sick, she wondered if she should go. But when she saw his pleading eyes as she started towards the door, she felt dead set on staying.

When Liara had first mentioned Feron, she didn't mention how good looking he was. Just like Thane. Damn these drells. She was soon going to turn into a xenophile. Chuckling at the thought, she saw Feron bat away Mordin's hands, the fast talking salarian mumbling way too quick his diagnosis. When he was done, and he retreated from scales, snarls and hisses, he came to her and scoffed. "Drell is badly damaged, no signs of Kepral's Syndrome, lungs bruised and suffered abrasions. Would recommend further test and location to the ship. Keep an eye on him. Better. Also recommended he speak to Chambers. Very jumpy, eidetic memory not good in this case. No permanent damage, but will need weeks of physical therapy and rest. Not strenuous. Broken ribs, skin still raw. Missing scales are painful for drell. Hormone levels off the charts, very territorial. Would recommend not placing him with other drell that are looking for that" He sucked in a breath and smirked at her. " 'someone's' attention."

As he was leaving, she caught the last little bit of his rant. He was always out the door so damn fast. How old was he again? Laughing and shaking her head, she turned to Feron and smiled sweetly. Poor guy. She didn't understand what he meant about all this territorial or hormone stuff, but she pushed it aside, she needed to focus. "So doctor, do you agree with Mordin?" When she didn't receive an answer, she thought she wasn't heard, but before she repeated herself, Chakwas gave her a look that could kill. Her eyes where shooting daggers and made Aleana back up into the closets window and put her hands up in surrender. "Wow doctor, it wasn't me. Please no stink eye." When Chakwas eyes softened and she knew she understood, a deep sigh coming from the pit of her stomach. Nodding and approaching both of them, she placed her hand softly on Feron's shoulder. She felt the deep vibrations again, but she wasn't going to let him go through this alone.


	3. Sharing is caring

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Mass Effect, or any of its characters, though I wish I could. They belong to Bioware and EA. Any other characters are mine unless stated otherwise. All songs and quotes are credited to their respected owners. I make no money with this Fanfiction. It's just my imagination gone crazy.**

**Special Note: I'm not happy with this chapter, so I might re-write this one too. It's too short and I don't feel it's worthy to put up but I needed to get something up since it's been like 2-3 days or something. Anyways thank you for all the reviews. I will give special thanks and mention everyone in the next chapter. Remember folks, sharing is caring. ;)**

**Word Count**: 1,035

* * *

**SSV Normandy SR2; Deck 3**

Feron was having a bad day. A disquieting growl of annoyance left Feron for the millionth time that afternoon. It had been hours since he had left the med-bay, and with this headache and fever he didn't feel none too happy. In fact it might of been because he hadn't eaten in a few days. Who knew? But he came to realize that, that very thing wasn't exactly what was bothering him. Moving his deep fathom eyes to look across the room, it occurred to him, this room was way to small for two. Looking to the right the sudden bright light assaulted him, his second lids closing then opening and readjusting. Several weapons racks containing snipers, sub-machine guns, one assault rifle, pistols and many throwing knives. To his left, by the entrance, tubes running up and down every which way, an emergency breathing kits and valves. What brought his mind to awe though, was when he looked straight ahead to a huge window and outside that window a drive core. The blue electric light radiating in wondrous shock waves. Spotting a small table with two chair by it, he approached. He wanted to sit an admire it. It was...soothing. But as he approached a sudden tense air made him stop half way. Moving his hands behind his back, back come up straight and feet together, he turned his head to the left, a territorial growl escaping him. He'd almost forgot who he was sharing with. Fuck.

Thane didn't know why he had been subjected to this treatment. He didn't want to share a room with anyone. He was an important part of the crew and he had earned his place. But when his Siha's beautiful violet eyes sparkled up at him, her full lips in a pout, and her eyes gleaming with softened small unshed tears, he just couldn't help but to say yes. She had told him that another drell would be beneficial to his recovery. That he could share his memories and understand him better. Drell weren't like that. He had tried to explain that they rather tend to themselves and territory would be a problem, but again her 'look' brought him to his knees and he conceded. Sighing, he had taken to drinking his specialized tea. The herbs soothing of Jasmine, honey and other earthly scents calming his nervous state. The room he inhabited was already small, although he hardly had any possessions to call his own. A picture of his wife Irikah, Kolyat as a baby cradled in her arms, weapons and clothing, maybe some books. That was it. What troubled him most was that the cot his new 'roommate' was situated near. the gun racks, their luminescent lights all too familiar to him. He wondered if he should of fought better against his Siha. Maybe he wasn't the deadliest assassin in the Galaxy. He was clearly beaten by one look, and the look of a woman at that. Hearing a swish of the door, his shoulders squared themselves, back straight, stotic face and hands clasp within each other at the top of the metal table. The coldness of it sending slight shivers up and down his spine. Hearing tentative steps, he sighed silently to himself. He fought the urge to look and criticizes. The man had accepted his challenge on the Shadow Broker base when he was 'properly' introduced. And by the sounds of his growls, he had yet to accept defeat. It just wasn't his day.

Looking down to the smaller drell, his presence ignored, he fought the urge to bare his flat large teeth. A small hiss wanting to come up from his empty stomach to intimidate. But he had just left the med-bay. And when he learned the others profession, he had second thoughts. He had met everyone that was important enough for him to meet, and in truth, he would of rather have stayed with a naked krogan, though extremely unpleasant, but it was better than this. Sighing, he quieted his displeasure and bowed his head once in greeting. He wanted to be civil, even if it lasted no more than a second. Receiving one back, he brought his hand out and motioned to the other chair across, and when he saw confirmation that he could in fact take it, he did. Slowly. Looking him square in the eyes, his gaze never faulting, he wondered how it came to this. A swish at the door answered for him and a petite woman came rushing in with a set of bulky items. Her face was covered and her frame wobbled some.

When they both stood up and came rushing to help, Shepard reeled back in surprise. Cloths, personal items, pillows and bed sheets went flying. Feeling a scaly hand on her bare back, underneath her tank-top, made her shiver and look up. Ultimately stopping her fall, scales of red, green, yellow and black so close that if she only leaned up an inch more, she'd be kissing said lips belonging to the male. Blushing furiously and pressing her flat palms on his chest she forces him to straighten with her. Once his touch was gone, she coughed into her closed fist while she tried to push her embarrassment back and looked at Thane. Neat pile of things held within his strong arms. Smiling and receiving one back, she gathered them and placed them on Feron's cot.

"Sorry Feron, I know they aren't your regular cloths, only sweats and shirts but it's all I can find in your size. Also brought other things like a toothbrush and shampoo and whatever else you'll need. When we get to the citadel we'll buy more..." And she was out the door with the last word. Patting him on the shoulder as she went. The air was tense, and after that encounter she needed a STRONG drink.

Looking at Thane, his eyelid twitch, his fist clenching and his body tense. Feron, on the other hand, was smiling, chuckling and looking at the now closed door. When a growl and huff left one of them, the other smirked in victory. Feron 1, Thane 0. This was a good day.


	4. Beginning of my 2 year torture

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, or any of its characters, though I wish I could. They belong to Bioware and EA. Any other characters are mine unless stated otherwise. All songs and quotes are credited to their respected owners. I make no money with this Fanfiction. It's just my imagination gone crazy.**

**Special Note: Yes, this chapter is rather small, smaller than the previous one but I'm getting back into the thick of my stories. It's not my best but it'll get better, I also want to apologize for not updating. Family problems, along with my own, I.E. physical accidents, is what kept me away. I started another story and it's given me the muse to write for this, so here it is. This is a solo piece for Feron. I know I didn't get some things right but this is AU a bit so yeah. Hope you enjoy. **

**Word Count: **1,329

* * *

_Eyes dart left and right, molecules of the recycled air itch my eyes. I ignore it. I have thing to do. I see Hanar to my right, discussing in rapid light movements. The bright flashes they emit no longer hurt my eyes. I look forwards again to the citadel, hub full of all races in the galaxy. Security looks weak as usual; even a non-experience assassin can get past but I'm not an assassin. I am an information trader, though I am not without any skill. I take tentative steps, my eyes making sure to refrain from taking the paths that the Shadow Broker's agents, or being completely noticed by C-sec, that where known to survey. I had forsaken him, left the Commander's body to Liara, his longtime enemy even gone so far as to not kill Liara and instead help her escape the Blue Suns. Now I fear for my life, he can be ruthless, and working with the Collectors and Reaper's alike does not help lessen that fear. I've decided that I should leave. I need to hurry, time is of the essence. I arrive at my apartment, it is dark, and I need to be alert. I do not doubt that he isn't watching. I grab whatever I cannot replace; I have a place to go. Perhaps Liara can help hide me, even though I know I can hide myself. I hear a shuffle, my back muscles clench painfully. I grab the submachine gun in my night stand along with clips. I have to fight on my way out. I get ready, take even breaths, my shot lined perfectly to the door. It opens, a canister rolls inside. I shield my eyes, mouth and nose but it does nothing. My eyes burn with tears and I cannot help but breath in the fumes and try to look out into the smoke. I shoot blindly across the door, but it does nothing. They suspected it. I feel pain in the back of my neck, I want to turn around but my vision blurs. A needle pricks the back of my neck, a sedative. I should have been more careful. I should have not come or at least waited. I hope that Liara was able to deliver the package to the Cerberus we met along the way, otherwise we are all doomed._

_I feel the darkness starting to leave me after who knows how long. I do not know where I am, but I can guess. I look in the darkness, being a Drell I have better night vision than most species. I see nothing, though. It is dark, dark grey wall and a huge metal door. I know it will not open for me. Why should it? I was in their mercy. I do not count the hours I am there, I meditate on happier memories with my parents and siblings. It had been a long time since I have visited their graves. Kepral's Syndrome was not a pleasant way to die but I am glad they at least lived full lives. I shall pay them a visit if I live, though I highly doubt my chances. The heavy door opens, and I see some of his agents enter, two station on each side of the cell so I do not have a chance to get out. A doctor walks in, Salarian, and a devilish grin on his small crinkled lips. He is not my salvation, that I can tell without a second thought or look. I refuse to stand when they order it. If I am to die, then I will fight to my last breath. I cannot show fear otherwise they would win, and I would not want that now, would I? I am yanked to my feet none too gently, and jolted to stand straight and follow without 'trouble' but I was never one to please too quickly. I'd prefer to take my time. I dug my heels into the floor though I cannot find purchase on the smooth metallic floor. It took three of the human agents to drag me where I was intended to go, it took four hard repeated punches to the stomach to get me to stumble and move forwards._

_The straps on the chair where none too comfortable when I was forced on that forsaken chair. They bite at my skin and I feel it start to chafe my scales. I blink a few times, the light of shinning towards me temporarily blinding me. I know this will not be pleasant. I never expected it to me. Hopefully when I die, Kalahira will have mercy on my soul and guide me to the sea. I have done many bad things in my life and never repented, but the situation I am in now, I hope she can see that I am trying and will pray to her and my other two gods. I am afraid, but I cannot submit to show it. I think of Liara as they start up a machine that I am certain they use for torture. An agent comes in through the door I entered to get in here. He puts sensors on my head, opens a bit of my clothing to attach some to my chest and rolls up my sleeves to put some on my arms. I can tell this will be painful due to the 'shit eating' grin on his face. Though I cannot see his eyes due to the helmet he wears, but I know they twinkle with glee. I sneer and spit on his visor. He rears back slightly disgusted, and I laugh. It was hardy and possible one of the few I will ever have again. I take pleasure in it. He brings the butt of his assault rifle and slams it against my left cheek and temple. My head jolts to the side and I see flashes in my vision. It hurt, but was worth it. I chuckle darkly and a low growl comes from the back of my throat. My neck inflates a bit and he seems scared and takes a step back. I am happy with the result. The doctor calls him through the speakers, he sounds angry that he wasn't the one to inflict the pain. The man growls at me and my mouth grin in mischief as he walks out. I look forwards to the huge viewing window above where I sit. I cannot see much, but I can see a huge shadow to my right. Squinting my eyes, I cannot help but wonder if that is HIM, but I do not have time to wonder. As electricity courses through me, I cannot help but try and shut my eyes and remember anything, it doesn't matter what I just do not wish to have this feeling but as the feeling intensifies I cannot help but to start to give up. I hear screaming, and I open my tear stained eyes to see who it is, I see nothing, my eyes are too blurred and the electricity obscures my vision worse. When I start to notice that no one is around, I realize it is me. I cannot help but to cringle inwardly at the sound. It hurts my throat and ears and I can taste blood in my mouth. The electricity stops, and my body slumps back, my breath is hard to catch my back is painfully aware of how high my body arched from the chair. I curse myself for being weak but I know I cannot help it so I start to laugh and ask **"Is that all you've got?"** As it begins again, I know this will be my new life, yet for how long I do not know. All I know, it was worth it. And when I die, I hope I find peace on the waves of the sea._

* * *

Poor Feron. D: I got sad knowing he had to suffer torture due to the Shadow Broker. Glad he died!


	5. Why do we fight? Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, or any of its characters, though I wish I could. They belong to Bioware and EA. Any other characters are mine unless stated otherwise. All songs and quotes are credited to their respected owners. I make no money with this Fanfiction. It's just my imagination gone crazy.**

**Special Note: So I was doing another playthrough and this time with a modded character on my xbox, which was btw really fun and made it so easy after the first five times on Insanity, and I went full paragon (full renegade but prefer paragon) which made me fuck over Zaeed. I saved the workers and let Vido get away. Anyways I was thinking that I could use that hatred he had for her at the beginning because of it in this chapter. I basically got him first out of everyone and did his loyalty mission second to last, and since he pissed me off in the game I never went to go speak with him afterwards until much later. So here goes nothing. Finally and heart to heart, well fist to face rather, with Zaeed Massani. It's a two part(er). Hope I did it justice, if not, I tried. Eh. Still no beta, my update time would probably piss my beta off so I'm not asking for once unless you wouldn't mind. Check out the new poll on my profile. Teehee!**

**Word Count: 2,959**

* * *

**(Feron: )**

Soft snoring came from the cots in Life support. Generally drell did not require a huge amount of sleep, but in the last two years one rainbow colored drell did not receive a simple nights rest. He really needed all he could get. The hum of the drive core pulsed behind the dimmed glass to provide them little, next to no light. A light sheen of sweat began to form on the scales of his brow. His breathing began to quicken and he his fist began to clench tightly. Another nightmare. This time, it was shadows. He could hear voices, but could not place them. He could see figures but could not distinguish one from another. The electricity they forcefully tortured him with messed up the memories but the pain was unforgettable. His body felt clammy, his nerves shot, he could feel the aching dull and twitch of his muscles even through his sleep. Bolting up and clutching at his chest, he felt all the air leave his lungs. His eyes were darting every which way. At first he did not know where he was, his eyes where clouded and no matter how many times he closed his eyes, he could not clear them. Coughing roughly into his tight closed fist, he tried to breath; even the smallest quick breath would alleviate the burning pain he felt in his heart and lungs now. Shivering, he felt a rumbling purr to his right. It was a calming affect native to his people that would stop the crying of the young and would settle the nerves. He felt like he needed comfort, though he would never in his life admit it. Not to a male, and especially to his rival. He wanted to keep his pride at least intact. Closing his secondary eyelids, he looked now to the assassin or rather the outlined shape he assumed was the assassin. Being who he is, he knew that all the tossing and turning, the small yelps and harsh breathing would wake him. He was a light sleeper and drell being able to hear better than some species didn't help. He had to be though in his line of profession. He could not hear the question that was thrown his way, but he knew it was one of concern. He nodded curtly to the older drell, his senior by 10 years and looked away in shame. He couldn't help it. He felt weak. He knew he was safe, but his memories would always bring him back to the pain and humiliation. Eidetic memory was a curse and a gift all the same.

Hearing the ping above on the speakers EDI's terminal came to life and spoke. It sounded muddy to his ear canals, like he had water in his ears, or somewhat akin to the sound of rain hitting the domes that surrounded Kajhe's district populated with drell of all colors and age. Apparently, she had asked if he needed medical assistance, or even if the AI should alert the Commander. When heard the word Commander, though muddy still it stuck out and was clearer than other words, he shook his head vigorously. He would not bother her. He would get through this. He did not want to seem weak in front of her of all people. His breath though short and much needed, finally calmed him enough to fully awaken. He would no longer sleep, it hurt and even though his dreams that where more memories than anything, he needed to busy himself to forget, even for a second which for them was impossible. Thane for the most part, did not go near him but stood close enough to give his comfort. He was grateful for the sentiment, even though it wasn't much he would rather not be more coddled like a child than he already was with the crew constant looks of sympathy. Standing from his cot, he shakily moved towards the compartments that housed his clothing, books, and other assortments and picked up the freshly cleaned uniform he usually adorned. They had ordered them many, and the Commander had them shipped to the Normandy since they had been too busy to land anywhere and do that. The white and red garment contrasting with his rainbow scales, his frills and his eyes. He liked the color though. At least he could tell it was red. It wasn't dark and even though he had the treatment to his eyes to assist the hanar, an honor to his people, he could still perceive the pigment.

Changing quickly, he bid a quick farewell to his rival, and thanked him in a quiet whisper he knew the other heard and left through the Life Support doors. He needed some time to think. It was late, and the night crew was small so not many would roam the halls or stations often. He summoned the elevator, and tapped his foot in a nervous gesture. Damn thing was slow. They could advance in medicine, weapons, tech, biotics but they could not make the elevators run any quicker? It's not like the mechanics of it where difficult. He guessed now, in the future, some things where still overlooked and primitive. Oh well. Finally stepping into the elevator, he pressed the button to ascend down to the Cargo Bay. He could possibly work out, and get the nervous twitch that his scaled brow seemed to be stuck in to stop.

He was there for a few hours. No one disturbed him and for that he was grateful. He had worked out all the nervousness he felt since awakening, and he felt like he could start fresh. He would have to request to EDI and the Commander that they needed a new punching bag, though. Sighing, he watched the sand trickle down onto the metallic floor in wonder. His mind went blank and for once, he was at peace with no memories. He did not know how long he stood there, just watching and letting his eyes roam the now empty bag, but when he heard shouting it brought him out of his muse. His shoulder shook a bit. The memory of the mercs that tortured him wanting to come forth to the front of his mind, but he shook it off roughly before it had a chance to manifest and looked in the direction the shouting came from. He saw a flash of blue, biotics, and then more shouting. He heard thumps, he could not place them. He was too far away but he suspected it was punches. Sighing, he wondered if he should go and see if anyone needed assistance, but then it was none of his business, so he wasn't sure. He was about to go back to his quarters, but when he heard a feminine screech that sounded like the Commander's he stopped, and his body shook. Shit, now he had to go, especially after he heard the huge thump of a fist landing on someone's jaw and the crack of bones. He just hoped it wasn't her that was down and out or he would have to kill whoever it was that she was fighting. He would defend his Siha.

**(Aleana: )**

At first, when the day had started, she had been in a rather good mood. Missions where down to one mission, and reports where limited to at least ten. She would be done early, and maybe she could finally get some sleep for once without nightmares. She had black rings under her eyes, and even though Cerberus had made her youthful and possibly unable to get as many wrinkles as her age and profession should have given her, she was beginning to think she looked her age, even older. Taking a quick shower, she dressed in her Commander attire, and smoothed out the wrinkles of the uniform. She had to make her runs soon; to visit the crew was the only thing that made her happy. She didn't do well on her own. She hated being shut in for weeks or days as they traveled through star systems. She was getting cabin fever. As she rode the elevator down to the mess hall, she smelled bacon, eggs, toast with butter and pancakes. She was having a real good day.

After stuffing her face and feeling like she felt she weighed as much as Grunt, she went to each individual. Jacob was insisting they have shore leave and get piss drunk. They didn't have time after the suicide mission since she needed to get the Shadow Broker's information to Liara, and her crew needed a break. In fact, she in the middle of his rant had remembered one thing she forgot to do, Zaeed. Though his dossier came late from the Illusive Man, she needed all the help she could get. They had picked him up, found out about Vido, and then headed that way. It took a week to arrive, but in that time she felt a friendship being born. She loved hearing stories about his escapades. The mercs he killed and how he did it. She even convinced him to allow her to hold Jessie. She was rather beautiful. She would have been jealous if she was still functional but sadly it wasn't the case.

After arriving, sadly everything changed. She had taken Garrus for backup, and the three set off to spill a little merc blood. It was a running joke with Garrus and she loved that Turian like a brother, she was even a bit attractive to him. The three had sat down a day before they left and revised a plan for when they went ground side. Zaeed didn't speak a word the whole time, she wondered at the time, but let it go when she assumed it was nerves or excitement. She should have known, she should have questioned but she didn't. When they were fighting their way through to kill Vido, and finally arrived, he shot blinding and hit valves that allowed gas to escape. His damn revenged cost them lives. They could have died in the process of his stupidity. She had punched him, yelled in his face. She wanted to beat the living daylights out of him, but then they would be a person short and she needed the man power to pull through this merc infested place. When they were about to enter another section, a man ran out and yelled for help. The whole place was coming up in smoke and it smelled like burning flesh. Zaeed had gotten in her face and told her they had no time. They had to kill Vido, but she refused. Zaeed could suck a Krogan's quad if he wanted, she was running the show, and lives were at stake. Fighting her way through flames of death, blisters from the heat, and painful pipes that gave way with pressure and smacked right into her sides she activated the emergency valves and finally contained it. She was relieved, though she'd bet money she would never grow nose hairs again, side burns and would have to cut the singed parts of her hair but relieved. Unfortunately they had missed Vido, and he left them in the dust. Zaeed for his part was pissed beyond all belief, and he yelled and cussed and threatened her life, but she refused acknowledge him. Something exploded near them, and flew with quick speed, it hurt Zaeed. She took her pistol, and was completely ready to shot him in the head and make sure he was permanently dead but she couldn't. She poured her heart out and told him she saw him as a friend. He betrayed her trust, and hated him at that moment but she promised to help him, no matter what it took after the mission. Once he agreed, she helped him and then everything was awkward. It had been two months after their fight if she counted correctly. She had refused to speak even now, after the Suicide Mission which he only got a curt nod and Shadow Broker base which she didn't trust him on even after Liara had taken charge and all that was not too long ago. Maybe two weeks.

After Mordin's rant about the pieces of Collectors and the base he was analyzing, Kasumi taking about the things she had stolen, Thane and Feron's other gods and happy memories they shared in their youth and flirting she had no clue on since she could never fully read other species body language, especially one she hadn't associated with until Thane's dossier. Samara on her other children and bondmate, Legion on fixing his armor, Dr. Chakwas on Feron's condition and reports on others of the crew that where sick, she was damn tired and she hadn't even started yet. Garrus was too busy Calibrating, how original, Miranda with reports on whatever the fuck she did, Jack was fighting with Grunt in the mess hall over the stench of his food so she couldn't disturb them and Tali was near the drive core with Gabby and Ken. All she had was Zaeed now. She wasn't looking forward to it.

She decided to take him on the mission to kill some Blue Suns. It was his favorite choice of missions and maybe she was wrong and it was a mistake but she knew she had to break the ice somehow. Zaeed once again drove her to want to strangle him. He had taken off instead of staying with her and Legion, and compromised the mission. He had interrogated a young merc on where Vido was, and even though he truly did not know, he kept getting pummeled with the butt of Zaeed's rifle and would not let up. She was furious when she arrived, and he just grinned and shrugged. When they returned, she left him alone for hours. She wanted to calm down so she wouldn't do anything stupid. Finally, in the dead of night when she knew he was awake and no one was around, she went down to his hold. She almost got a blade rammed into the side of her head as he threw it and she stepped in a second after. He laughed, and he said he should have waited a moment before throwing it and it would have made its mark. She let that go. It wasn't worth it. Even her friends wanted to kill her once in their lives. Sighing, she began to talk to him. She again poured her heart out for him, well perhaps not poured but at least tried to get her point out. She wanted him to shape up, and be a part of a team. What she did not know until it was too late was that he had a stash of whiskey or rum somewhere, and he was shit faced drunk. He had cussed her out. Yelled at her like a child that didn't get a toy he wanted and when he raised a pistol to her she snapped. Quick as lightning her biotics flared and she tossed him across to the glass covering the garbage shoot. Luckily it was enforced so it didn't crack much but it would need repairs and quick. She tried to apologize afterwards but then she tackled her to the ground and they wrestled. She punched, and kicked, biotically pushed him away to talk some sense into her but he would not listen and yelled to her throat was sore. It was all so damn quick. He kept trying to attack her. She knew they were making too much noise, and someone would hear, but she didn't know who. She landed a hard right hook to his jaw and broke the bone. Breathing harshly, she crawled back onto the opposite wall across where he was now unconsciously laying by and rubbed at her temples. She felt a migraine, and she felt sick. She was going to throw up. She never had to beat a crew member like this least of all a friend. The most she had done was hurt them in a spar but it wasn't much and usually by accident. She was too attached now in these times where they could die at any minute due to the Reapers. Dry heaving, she did not hear the swish of the door, but when she felt a caring hand rub her back and hold her hair as she attempted to let lose what was in her stomach she started to calm. EDI activated her holoframe and told her she had sent security along with both doctors to make sure she hadn't killed him. Standing up, she grunted lightly from the strain of the day. Her muscles ached from the mission and now after this she needed rest. She looked towards her support and though tears from dry heaving made her eyes fuzzy she could see rainbow colored skin, or rather scales, Feron. Pushing her pride, she wrapped her arms around his middle to his back and held him close, burying her face in his chest to hid her blush. She felt him stiffen, then relax and hold her back. A deep purring shaking her body slightly in a very comfortable way, it even almost made her giggle. She was Commander Shepard, she did not giggle. The doctors came soon after that and transported him to the med-bay leaving them both alone. She couldn't speak. She wouldn't. All she wanted right now was to feel his cool scales and whatever he was doing with his voice or body. She didn't have a clue. Maybe they could speak later, she'd have to check on Zaeed as well, but for now this was enough.


	6. Why do we fight? Part 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, or any of its characters, though I wish I could. They belong to Bioware and EA. Any other characters are mine unless stated otherwise. All songs and quotes are credited to their respected owners. I make no money with this Fanfiction. It's just my imagination gone crazy.**

**Special Note: This didn't come out the way I really wanted it to, but I'm rather happy. I know it's somewhat a filler, but I just couldn't let this go. It was jumbling in my head so violently I couldn't let it go until I wrote it out. **

**Word Count: 1,736**

* * *

**Normandy SSR2**

**Med-Bay; Deck 3**

When Zaeed had woken up, at first his vision was blurry and he could not tell the difference between one shadow in front of his face from another. He thought he had drank way too much for his own liking, which was a lot because of his high tolerance. Yet when he heard the beeping of a heart monitor, the hissing of a respirator, the throbbing of his broken jaw, the tube stuck down his throat to help him breath and the fluids that where being pumped into his body, he knew he had done something stupid. His skin felt raw, and his head was pounding with a migraine. He needed pain meds and soon. Blinking his eyes a bit to better his vision, he tried to move his head but found it impossible so he stopped before it came back with a vengeance. He coughed roughly to alert the doctor of his awareness and when he caught her in his periphery a minute later he sighed in relief. It took a moment to remove the breathing tube from his throat, and when he did he found he still couldn't speak. His hearing was murky, when EDI's holoframe popped up and spoke to the doctor. All he heard was the word 'Commander' and that was when a fragment of memory burst in his already pulsing head. He had attacked her. Stupid mistake. That little minx was a powerful little bitch with her biotics and hand to hand. He even got lucky to keep his life after what he did on the mission she included him in. He needed information, though! Couldn't she see? The mission was practically over! They had time now.

Hearing the swish of the doors as they opened and allowed the Commander entry, he moved his eyes in her direction. The Commander's face was grim and her eyes looked hollow but she didn't let it show. She wouldn't let her mask falter. She took tentative steps to the cot he laid in and stopped by his side, her fist where clenching and unclenching. She had something to say, but she could not find the words. Swallowing roughly, her throat burning from the strain, she sighed heavily and rubbed at her face angrily at herself.

"Zaeed, I'm sorry…" Her voice was almost too quiet to pick out even in the already quiet and dark room. His eyes roamed over her. Her lip was cut, and her right cheek had a purple bruise. When she walked in, it was with a slight limp, but she had gotten that when going into the merc base and those sons of bitches snuck up on them and put a bullet in her leg so he didn't pay attention to that. Other than that, she looked basically untouched. He did, however, wonder why she was apologizing to him when even though his pride would be marred; he knew it was him who should be the one to apologize to her.

"I understand you want to find Vido, but you have to take into consideration what I'm going through on a mission. I'm a commander, I lead a group and they depend on me to keep them alive. I've lost Marines in the line of duty but this is bigger than you think. I'm wiser now, older. Here we can't make mistakes. Billions of lives are in our hands. We are still finding evidence from the Reapers and Collectors for god sakes." She spoke louder this time, her voice although strong was breaking a bit but not enough for him to tell. She began to wring the blanket that covered him, the only indication other than her voice that gave away her nervousness.

"I don't want anyone else to die. When you left, I got scared. It was Kaidan all over again. I felt like if I didn't rush to you, I wouldn't save you in time. I know you can take care of yourself, but that doesn't mean shit to me. We work as a group, Massani. Mercs are paid to kill you, especially the Blue Suns. You know you have a hit on you, which I'm sure you know. If we didn't cover your ass, you might have had more than another bullet scar on your head. You'd have a matching set and then some." She scoffed, earning a raspy chuckle from the bed prone man. He understood. He did, but it still did not settle the anxiousness he felt in his stomach trying to find his sworn enemy. Finally finding the energy to turn his head he fully looked at her and nodded once.

"Look. I contacted some people. They owed me favors and I ended up owing them a few in return. We'll find Vido, just give me some time. You know I didn't forget. It was just not the time with everything going on." He snorted roughly indicating his disbelief but let it go. His revenge on Vido poisoned his heart and reasoning sometimes. It had been twenty years for the veteran, but he didn't deserve the shit he got for all his years building the Blue Suns. They betrayed him. He was their leader, their founder and they did this? Hearing her cough a bit, he turned his attention back to her and saw her smile slightly. In the end, he really couldn't blame her for kicking his old wrinkled ass. The hand closest to her reached for her's. Rough rubbing smooth. As she continued to speak and apologize while he listen to her old war stories for once and with a raspy voice returned the apology they finally sat in silence as the doctor, who had left without them realizing, returned and came to his side to give him much needed medication. They'd get through it somehow. They just needed time.

* * *

It had taken him a few days in the med-bay to get back to light duty. The information that the Commander's informants had gathered was enough to locate him on six major planets. With the Shadow Broker on their side, it was a matter of time before they pin pointed him. Shepard, which she had made him call her, came down often to speak with him. Grunt, aggressively reminded him that if he ever tried that on his Battlemaster again he would be a small stain under his massive foot, which Jack agreed wholeheartedly. The first day he almost groaned in frustration. Garrus had come with her to keep them 'company' but he knew better. The next day it was the two Drells. Why both of them he did not know, but he was sure they were sizing each other up and it made him laugh a hardy laugh. It had finally taken a week, along with orders to the crew that kept accompanying her to stay away from his room, for them to be alone. He knew that it would take a while for them to go back to being what she called 'friends' but thinking on it more, he liked the idea of the term. It'd take him time to get used to it, though. Sighing he looked at the data pads piled up high on his cot and rubbed at the old scar that stretched on his face. It was only a matter of time before he returned the favor he was given all those years ago. Only a matter of time.

* * *

On deck 3 of the Normandy, Shepard rubbed her face aggressively. She had been hearing both Drells and the sole Turian in her group of friends protesting heavily about the veteran all damn week since she had ordered them to stay away from Zaeed's room. She could not take it anymore. The vein on her forehead was throbbing and she was about to flare her biotics and toss them to the wall.

"Enough! You all sound like bickering hens! You're giving me a damn migraine!" She yelled angrily towards them, but when they tilted their heads in confusion and squinted at her, she deflated and her shoulders slumped in defeat. She let her head fall onto the table in the mess hall with a loud thump, her forehead already feeling the sting from it. The clicking of Garrus' mandibles fluttered in her ear making it itch a bit, and the rumbling purrs of the two Drells making cold chills go up and down her spine.

"Please guys just trust my judgment. Next time he tries anything, I'll be sure to kill him myself. I don't need a babysitter. I'm a fucking adult!" She mumbled exasperated. Rising from the table, her forehead red from her blunder, she smiled sweetly at them.

"Thanks though…I know you guys care." She said before retreating to her loft, all three aliens smiling their own personal smile for reasons only known to them but they all came to the conclusion that she would okay. When Feron and Thane caught each other's milky black eyes they scoffed and looked away from her retreating ass and the sway of her hips. Both embarrassed that the other had caught them in the act. Garrus' smile was out of brotherly love for the human. Garrus turned his vision to the two at the table with him and chuckled. The normally stoic Drell of an assassin looked flustered, the mentally scarred Drell matching his look as they looked away from each other. Shepard was in too deep. He was just lucky he was not in the middle of it. Sure he had once thought of pursing her in that sense. Hey! He was a bad Turian, after all. He still felt a longing to do so, but they were more like siblings and he did not wish to lose her. Not again, not like that. He couldn't bare it. It would probably be too awkward afterwards, anyways. Shuddering he let the topic go. He knew it wasn't going to come back anytime soon. Standing up, he bid both his comrades a good night and retreated to the cot in the Main Battery. He had more Calibrations to do before going to bed. In fact it seemed like he would never be done with those damn algorithms. Maybe he did need to pop a heat sink or two before he went crazy in the cramped room. Shore leave was looking good; he just hoped they get to it soon.


	7. Dreams and Safety

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, or any of its characters, though I wish I could. They belong to Bioware and EA. Any other characters are mine unless stated otherwise. All songs and quotes are credited to their respected owners. I make no money with this Fanfiction. It's just my imagination gone crazy.**

**Special Note: This chapter was way overdue. I even got reviews and private messages asking when I would post again. Haha. I love you guys. I actually started this chapter a long while ago but for some reason I lost the muse to continue and I got writers block. It sucked. Anyways I hope you like the chapter. I had to put on my big girl pants and push through to finish it. Hope I did it justice. Feron is a complex individual and I'm sure he did not come out relatively sane after all he suffered. Ehhh… I'm still in need to a beta. So let me know if you are up to it. I have many stories if this is not the one you want to work on. Btw, yes I know my chapters are weird. I'll fix them soon, promise. Until next time folks. Please R&R.**

* * *

'_Shivers run down my spine. It is nothing pleasant. It is cold, it is always cold. I notice my breath. Short, labored. The puffs leave my mouth in short burst. I regret losing the heat of them. I cannot help it, though. I need to breathe. My nose is broken as well as the bridge, and just the slightest movement from it hurts so I must breath from my mouth. I feel the grains underneath me, they are rough and numerous. It is uncomfortable. They dig in between my scales and irritate the sensitive skin underneath. I do not get a moments rest, even in my cell. It is cold, small and only has four walls. Dark, no light, no bed. Nothing but me. _

_I am losing my colors. My eyes are dull and no longer glossy and full of life. My back has sores, and the bruises have begun to show even more as time begins to pass. My wrists are raw from the restraints of that god awful chair, and the blisters are starting to pop and bleed. I do not know how much more I can take of this. My mind is beginning to falter. I no longer have a good memory to fall upon in my darkest hours. All I remember is pain, all I feel is pain._

_My breath hitches as my heart skips a beat. I cry out but not loud enough to alert them. It is painful and my face contorts. My back arches slightly, and I rub at my chest to relieve the pressure as I come back down and my life resumes. It works, but not for long. Why can't they just end it? It's been so long. How long, I am not sure. I wish I did. It might help ease the pain in my soul._

_My throat is raw from my screams. I am dehydrated and hungry. My body is failing. But when they notice, they will revive me until the point where I am near breaking again and this process will repeat. I'm beginning to stop fighting. They hurt me less then and even if it is not a significant amount, I still can notice it. I feel like a coward as tears begin to stain the frills of my cheeks but that is something I cannot help. At least I have the comfort of knowing that no one will see me in this moment but me._

_I've prayed to Kalahira since I arrived to show me mercy and just take me across the sea. I prayed to Arashu to protect me for whatever amount of time I have to rest before they come again and last but not least to Amonkira in hopes that when someone finally comes to take them down, and if I have passed, that they will suffer to their very last breath before someone puts a bullet through their skulls. _

_But I am starting to lose faith. They have not heard my prayers. I'm still here. They have forgotten me. I know I have not prayed to them before I came here against my will but I know I've done good deeds at least to warrant against this. _

_Will I never atone enough to be free? _

_The door opens, and I have to squint my eyes from the bright light that filters through the now open door. They have come. Three as per usual. What torture is in for today? _

_Electric shock? _

_Pealing the scales off my back? _

_Perhaps beating me with bats or boards. _

_Who knows? _

_I never usually do. I'm scared, please someone save me. I cannot take much more of this._

_I raise my legs and I wait for them to surround me. My arms and hands are weak; this is the only thing I can do to fight them off. I cannot give up fully, just yet anyways. I must make their jobs harder for them. Otherwise what are they getting paid for? _

_To stand there like human wall ornaments and look pretty?_

_Surely not. _

_I know this routine. They will drag me kicking and screaming if they have to. The first blow hit one straight in the stomach and he flew back into the wall with a grunt and a sneer. The second did not make contact as it was grabbed and pulled none too gently. They grab my shoulders and arms as I was distracted trying to pull free, pulling them to the point where the bone will pop from its socket if they do not stop soon. I bite my lower lip hard, the dry skin cracks and I start to bleed as the scream that threatens to come out stops. I will not give them the satisfaction but they will soon have it. _

_It's only a matter of time. _

_The trip to that god awful room was not long, but the snickers and kicks to my shins of the hired mercs that line the walls do not settle my nerves for what is to come. _

_The straps soon dig into my raw skin and the wires for my vitals are taped to my scales. They make sure I am strapped and secure. No chance of escape. It is useless and pointless. I can't escape either way but the Shadow Broker is not stupid. He knows given the chance, I will try even if it meant my death. I would gladly welcome it. _

_As I look up into the control room from this hell I'm in and I see the merc that mans it, he grins, his eyes playful. He is sadistic and the thought of my pain is what he looks forwards to every time I am in this situation. The men that strapped me leave and I know that it is time for the inevitable. His finger itches to flip the switch that causes me pain but he known that without the Shadow Broker's orders he would be shot on sight so he stills his wants and remains ready. _

_Soon the confirmation is heard over the speaker mounted above, my throat itches and I try to swallow the small amount of saliva I have saved to quench my dry throat. Maybe this time will be the last. Maybe this time I will cross the waiting sea. Maybe…_

_The merc on the machine chuckles and shakes his head. He murmurs something that my muddied ears cannot hear and his finger lunges to the switch, he flips it…_

_Pain….._

_All I feel is pain…'_

* * *

Feron woke with a start, his chest was hurting and tears began to form in his milky black eyes. He hated dreaming, though more like memories they still were as real as if he currently lived it. He blinked his double set of eye lids rapidly and pushed back the tears. He will not cry, he will not show weakness. All he suffered is over. Shepard and Liara saved him, the old Shadow Broker and the mercs that tortured him used to lay dead in a puddle of their own blood on the base. He saw it with his own eyes when the cleanup began. Even those that hid like cowards died at his hands, slow and painfully. He was safe. He had to remember that. It was only a dream, only a memory.

Looking around the room through his haze, he noticed he was alone. The window staring towards the mass effect core was dimmed and dark light filtered through the room, perhaps due to his roommate. Usually Feron did not sleep long. The Drell species in general only slept six hours at most, but he only slept two to three. He would be up before the assassin, showered and fed. Today was not one of those days. Usually his dreams would not be as long; he would wake before they took him. He did not know why today was different. It was nothing significant. He did not eat anything that upset his stomach before bed. He did nothing out of the ordinary.

So why?

Why now?

He clenched his fist as he swung his legs over the small cot, his body slouching and his head hung. He was shaking, he realized. He was scared that it would happen again if he closed his eyes, even though he knew it wouldn't but it did not prevent him from trying not to blink. It stung his eyes and made them water. The Commander would not allow it. Aleana would save him. She was his Siha, his warrior Goddess. Grunting, he stood and stretched his aching muscles. He didn't wish to be here any longer. His dream, or rather memory, was still fresh. He was starting to suffocate. Grabbing a quick change of clothes he left and showered. The water was cold as ice but after the shock, he felt better. His body no longer short of breath, his heart no longer beating to the point where it would burst through his chest. He was okay again. But he still remembered. He didn't want to remember.

* * *

The day went on as normal. Visit the crew he befriended, go to the Cargo Hold and shoot targets, do some hand to hand and then meditate. Normal. Coming out of his Zen he sighed heavily. Even that couldn't come out right enough for him.

What was wrong with him?

Before all this he took risk, even if his work would be more dangerous in the long run. He was in his prime. He was young, agile. Trained, fierce. He felt like he aged twenty years in a short amount of time. Putting his head in his hand grunted tiredly. This is not how he wanted to live after he escaped. Not that he thought it would ever happen but here he was. He did not want to be sheltered, scared. He saw the look of pity on the crew's faces and hated it with all that he could. The look of disgust and anger from the xenophobic few and sneered in return. Maybe if he didn't take the job from the Shadow Broker he wouldn't have suffered all of this in the first place. But then he would have not met Liara. The Collectors would have taken every human and insured the Reapers victory. Shepard would have been just burnt meat, and he would not have seen her as his Siha.

Was it worth it?

In his muse, he did not hear anyone enter the Cargo Hold. He did not hear the light steps coming towards him and did not hear the soft musical voice of the one calling his name until it was too late. Feeling a soft hand on his bare shoulder, his vest, jacket and shirt folded neatly at his side, taken off when he began his routine, he jumped to his feet and swung his leg back. His calf connected with a strong forearm, his eyes darkened in hatred and for a second he saw the enemy. He was wrong though. It wasn't.

"Wow tiger! I come in peace…"Aleana eyes widened at the sudden attack. Luckily she had the reflexes to counter it. Otherwise she would have a huge bruise on her face instead of her arm. The dull throbbing attested to that but it was ignorable. She could take a small hit but damn Drell and their thicker and stronger body. Stepping back to an appropriate distance, she held her hands up in surrender. Her body hunching in submission to show him she meant no harm. She was worried. Her eyes shown with it and he felt ashamed. He just attacked his Siha.

What was wrong with him!

Coming down from his stance, his eyes widened in shock. Though impossible, they did and he chocked down the whimper.

"Commander…..Aleana…..I-I'm s-so sorry!" He began to retreat. His legs shaking slightly as he tried to bend and gather his clothing. He needed to leave. She was surely mad at him. He could not bear the thought. She'd surely kick him out now. He was nothing but trouble.

"Feron! Stop. It was a mistake…Please don't leave…." She spoke softly, no pity, only worry shinning in her voice. That made him stop. His Siha. He had to remember. She was not like others. She knew what he went through. Stopping his retreat he stood taller now. He would do anything for her even if it went against what his body wanted to do.

"Commander….Is there something you needed?" His voice was deeper than normal and wavered slightly, the vibration sending chills down her spine. Shaking herself from the want of hearing more of his rich sound she shook her head. Taking small, slow steps towards him. She didn't want to frighten him. He looked skittish and closed off. She had not seen him all day and she was worried. Though she only had herself to blame. She was out on Illium.

"I was just passing and when I saw you I wanted to come see you….Well I mean I wanted to see if you were okay. We haven't spoken in a bit…Feron, you know you can speak to me about anything….Are you okay?" She was tripping over her words and she knew for the life of her that she couldn't get out what she was saying. Feron thought it was cute, sweet. He wanted her to fumble more, but now was not the time for it. She said she wanted to see him. He was happy. He wanted to share everything with her in that instance but he couldn't yet.

Maybe in time, but not now.

Scoffing, he waved his hand in front of his face and tried to dismiss the worry she felt. He smiled at her and waved her to him. They spoke no more. It was not needed. He just wanted to be near her and though he did not know it, she felt the same.

As he sat there next to her, on the cold metallic ground of the Cargo Hold he realized something. It was gone. He felt peace since the day began. The scent coming from the human woman besides him was soft but sweet and surrounded him like a cocoon. It was like it protected him. He forgot his memory then and it never crossed his mind even after she left. All he had was her scent. He was safe.

* * *

Sitting at his coat now, he looked to the older Drell across from him. A mug in his hands, most likely the medicated tea he often drank for his Kepral's. He was peaceful, his posture straight and looking like ever the gentleman.

"I have not seen you today. You are doing well?" Thane's voice, rich and deep, assault his ear canals. At first Feron did not know how to respond. Was Thane truthfully worried about him? Was he sizing him up again? His voice didn't betray any ill feelings, but as an assassin he was a master at hiding his emotions. They were currently rivals so he couldn't lose face now. Still….

"I'm fine..Thank you…. Yourself?" Feron responded in kind. It was only proper. He did in the end have a good day with his Siha after all. His body shook with a silent chuckle. Thane mood would certainly sour if he knew. But when Thane chuckled out loud, he knew something was up. Damn this man. He may have been older, wiser, and perhaps better skilled but he had his own tricks too.

"Fine, actually. Aleana and I spent a great deal of the day together. The view across Illium's bustling city was….spectacular."

_So that was his aim._ Feron thought as his large teeth grinded against each other. Damn sneak.

_Fine…Want to play it like that, huh?_ Feron lips formed a wide smirk.

"Ah. So that's where she was before she came to meditate with me. Though now that I think of it, I was a bit cold being shirtless as we sat next to each other…Oh so very close….Perhaps next time I will remember…Who knows…" He said with a laugh in his voice. Seeing the older Drell flinch ever so slightly, he knew he won. He was seething. He could feel the hatred in waves. Lying back on his cot, he stretched his limbs as far as he was able, and when he closed his eyes he fell into a deep sleep.

Only this time, for once in more than two years, no bad dreams or bad memories came. Just her sweet face, her soft smile and her rich laugh. He smiled in the darkness as he slept. She was truly his salvation.


End file.
